Saturday, January 17, 2009

Andy's Law Of Special Relativity

I have found a condition of special relativity regarding women and large retail areas such as malls and department stores. For some reason that I have not yet discovered, the space-time continuum becomes warped when women are shopping.

I have observed this on every occasion where I was at a retail outlet with a woman. It appears that as long as the woman is in sight the warping does not occur. As soon as she is out of sight she could be anywhere inside the complex at any time. In order for this to happen she must actually not be constrained by Space-Time as we understand it, thus the Special Relativity.

My theory is that as soon as the mall is entered the woman immediately fills the entire space with her presence. As long as eye contact is maintained it is as though you have a thread attached to the person. As soon as eye contact is broken, so is the thread, and she may have transported to any place within the structure.

This is new science and so I have not yet discovered how to control it. I suspect this phenomenon could be used in space travel but any destination planet must have a shopping outlet. I am also certain this can be used in the fight against global warming as the science for this theory is every bit as provable as the science of global warming. And I am sure I have consensus among all men.

In order for me to continue in my research I obviously need funding for shopping trips. Feel free to mail checks at any time.
Andy

2 comments:

  1. I think that is a hilarious observation-didn't realize it was the eye contact (or lack of) that caused the warp. Although I am unable to fund your research, I'm happy to go shopping any time to further your investigation.
    Sue

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